That one time… I had hot coffee!


So it’s been a while.
And I’m sure you’ve missed me talking inappropriately about vaginas and telling you how sweaty my leg pits are;
But I’m back baby! Get excited!

We’ll call this one….
“The journey of the “hot coffee””

( What it’s like not having kids for 6hours, 28 minutes and 32 seconds. )

I dropped the kids off today.
All of the kids. All six kids.

It was like in “Outlander” where the noose was sitting firmly around Jamie’s neck and then at the last second; Somebody saves him and He’s free.
If you haven’t seen “Outlander” , you can apply this theory to any other movie where a noose was tied around someone’s neck and then they were saved because…. THAT was me!
I couldn’t breathe and then the air never tasted so sweet.

Okay that’s a bit or dramatic!

But; After telling my son to get his shoes on from 6:45 till 8:15 and then three of them having a screaming match over who’s turn it was with the toothpaste; I was soooooo ready for my day of freedom.

I was wearing all black because there was no risk of anyone touching me with their mucous and that felt really good.

So I get back to the car after the final school drop. And I it’s like I’ve lost a limb.
I look back at my six empty car seats and a little tear wells in my eye: why the fuck don’t I have sports car for occasions like this ; that I could fly down the road in with my music playing loud.

Oh well; It’s okay, not the end of the world; I turned on my engine and chugged down the road in old Betty the Tarago. She’s realible and large… kind of like my husbands…. hugs.
His HUGE satisfying hugs.
Anyway…. I set of; on my day of freedom!

So I pull up in a park; and I scroll Instagram and Facebook and you tube and messages and emails and twitter and then I tried to remember my myspace password- and then an hour had passed and I didn’t realize because I was too busy down a google rabbit hole trying to find out if the actor in last nights movie is a distant cousin to another actor I’ve seen before and we’re they both married ?

No one was winging at me to get out of the car And I didn’t even know how long I’d actually been sitting there and god that felt good!!!

I skipped into the shops and twirled in a circle- tripped over nothing like an absolute legend and then was pulled by no one! I was freeeeeeee.

And then I realized all I needed was bread and milk and I really had nothing else to do and plus we have a lot of bills this week and not much money ( home owner life; can I get A “hell yeah” ).

WAIT a minute turn that frown upside down; I remember a beacon of hope;
I had a free coffee on my Gloria jeans card.
If that won’t make your day; I don’t know what will.
So I set of on a journey. A sacred journey for any mum; the journey of the mysterious “hot coffee”

I saw people I knew with children and walked faster and they couldn’t catch up to me and ruin my child free day because there Children’s legs were too small! Suckers.

And then I see it. Two of the most awkwardly designed colors on a brand together; yellow and brown,
I’m at Gloria’s.

There was a new girl and I didn’t even care when I had to say my order three times And then all she had entered was skim milk and it made no sense because I had atleast 5 hours and 30 minutes left and not much else planned.

“ Take your time”, I beamed ; “I have no children”.
“Me either” she said looking back awkwardly as if asking why had I told her that?!

I shuffled away slowly and awkwardly but I soon got my skip in my step back when I realized; I still had NO children.

They called out my name and there it was; MY COFFEE… there was no smarty cookie and no “pop top” apple juice.
I took a big sip.
It was strange and delightful.
It was warm.
Something I thought was a thing of the past.

I passed other mums, clearly post drop off with a spring in their step and a warm coffee in their hand; we were all so happy.

It was like a magical unicorn Mum party and everyone was invited; unless you had your children with you.

Just like that; it was 2:30 and I didn’t know how but I was off to pick them up again, already.

But I’ll always have that moment.
The day that I had a warm coffee.
And it was good.
No, It was better than good.
It was bloody fantastic.

So for those of you; in the thick of it.
Thinking it’s never going to end.
I promise one day; you’ll have a hot coffee too and it will be fucking fantastic.




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s