How to clean a car- Mum style.

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The busy mums guide to cleaning a car.

So first you turn on the car and the music.
Music is a must have.
And pour yourself a glass of wine the size of you face.
Wine is a must have.

Then you empty the car.
Don’t be discouraged by the twenty two half empty water battles, the 17 french fries, the five odd socks and 3 matchbox cars.
You’ll get there.

Throw all of it in the bin.
Well not all of it ,I’m not a complete monster!
Put the bottles in the recycling bin.
Or else you’ll make the vegans angry.
Well; more angry. (Totally kidding vegans😬) (I’m totally not kidding).

 

And then you empty the prams.
Well fuck Me.
They used to be clean and new but now there unrecognizable as they fall out of your car covered in musleigh bar crust and apple juice.
And milk; even though you can’t remember the last time your child had milk.

Remember when you got your beautiful new pram; and you sold your kidney to have the one you wanted.
And you were all like ; “ my children will not even sit in this pram”
Remember that moment; Savor that moment and then let it go.

Contemplate cleaning car seats and brush them off.
Pour second large glass of wine.
Things are looking better Aren’t they?
It’s definitely not because your a little drunk!? (It’s totally because your a little drunk)
Who cares. It’s better.

Check the pockets in the car.
Decided that the user manual, some old mints and glasses you’ll never wear again sometimes come in handy and leave them just as they were.
The mints are just a little melty their still good.

Definitely keep the three screws that are always there but you don’t know what they go into. Because you know the second you throw them out.
You’ll work out what they’re for.

Move aside some old jumpers that need washed (or burned) and find a pack of baby wipes.
JACKPOT; you’ve struck car cleaning gold.
Whip one out; wipe the shit out of stuff.
Nothing is safe.
Your wiping dashboards and mirrors and
You think you can get a three year old stain out of the carpet.
Because your a super human.
Or your a half drunk Mum with a baby wipe and some gusto; same fucking thing.

Put the baby wipe in the bin.
Look at the car seats.
Reminisce about the fact that your children are getting old and time is moving on.
Then see some food that they’ve shoved behind a chair or under a seat and thank fuck they are not with your right now.
Although you live and breathe your children they really are the most precious little; infuriating, disgusting cesspools.

Pour third and final glass of wine.
Give you husband puppy dog eyes and say that your cleaning the car for the sake of the family and need more wine.
Husband looks around you; sees all the shit on the lawn and everything back where you left it.
The car looking pretty much the same as when you started.
Then back to you.
If he knows what’s good for him he’ll say:
“Okay seems legit; be right back”.
Good man.

Put everything back in the car.
Slightly neater than before.
Hang a tree on your mirror.
That claims to smell of vanilla; if vanilla was poisonous and made of acid :/.
Wait for it too rain.

Taaaadaaaaaaa
You did it.
You just cleaned your car like a busy mum.
And had fun while doing it.

Now excuse me while I clean our boat
Ummm. Apparently we don’t have a boat but the neighbors do and I have a whole other bottle of wine left over.

And apparently that’s trespassing but that’s a story for another day.

Krechelle
Xx

 

 

 

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Not perfect. Bloody useless. And that’s okay.

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Here’s nine things I messed up today.

I hope it makes you feel better about your day; or at-least feel not alone.

It really saddens me how many messages I got last night from wonderful women saying that they “couldn’t do everything like me” or “that they want to know more on how I do it”.

I offer advice and stories on how I cope but not everyday is perfect.

Honestly I think you’re all bloody amazing.
Yes you!
The Mum reading this.
The ones messaging me.

Every single person that wrote to me.
Was worried that “their best wasn’t good enough”.
I don’t know how many times I say this but imma say it again; “IF YOU ARE DOING YOUR BEST what more could anyone ask for.”.
Your are not failing.
Life just isn’t perfect.

Please don’t miss out on how wonderful your life is worrying about the things you could have done better, or comparing yourself to someone else.

So on that note;
You know what I fucked up today?!
Everything!
Because I’m human.
And it’s fine. It will all be fine.
Tomorrow I’ll kick some ass or not.
I don’t know, I can’t predict it.

Number. 1
I forgot to order the kids lunch orders.
For the second time this term;
And its week three.
Because I thought I’d give them a treat! Also known as; “I forgot to go food shopping.””
Would you like some carrot sticks with your soup packet?

Number 2.
I went to the shops to get milk.
Wondered around for thirty minutes, got myself a coffee.
Got home beaming at my husband.
Because I LOVE coffee.
Like an unhealthy amount.
And when he asked “ where is the milk”
I responded; “ohhhhh that’s why I went to the shops”

Number 3.
I don’t have a quilt cover on my bed.
That’s right.
It’s just a bloody quilt.
Because we only have one quilt cover right now and it needed washed.
And I forgot to wash it.
Awesome. It’s like we’re sixteen again.

Number 4.
My kids had fritz and sauce sandwiches for lunch with carrot sticks.
Because that’s literally all we have until tonight when my shopping order comes.
There was no butter on the bread.
Because no matter how much butter or toilet paper we buy ; it’s never enough.

Number 5.
My children have swimming lessons tonight.
And my ankle is sprained and I’m going to stay home and rest while my mum and husband take the children to swimming.
And I feel guilty. Oh So guilty.
Get your shit together Krechelle and be there for you children!

Number 6.
I forgot to charge my Garmin.
Last night.
When I needed it to be charged.
And now I’m going to miss out on some
Of my step count for today because it’s going to die 😭
And if it’s not recorded on my Garmin did it even happen.

Number 7
I was meant to healthy food prep yesterday.
Today I’ve had two protein shakes and a banana.
And now my bodies probably in starvation mode and when I eat again tomorrow I’ll put on all the weight I’ve lost today wooohoooooo.

Number eight
I forgot to order bin bags.
We’ve been using woolworths and Coles bags for bin bags for three days now.
And I forgot to order bin bags in my shopping. FML.

Number nine.
I’m keeping the tiny ones home with me while my husband goes to swimming.
And I swear, the older more evil one;
she hates me.
“Where’s my dadddyyyyy”
Its echoing through my home right now.
She will not look at me; I do not exist.
So I’m gonna hide and really freak her out.
Because I’m so mature.

 

And on that note.
I’m going to enjoy my evening.
When David gets home.
Light a candle; have a low fat yogurt and enjoy my life.
Because we all make mistakes.
Today was not perfect.

You are not alone.
Just remember; if you’re feeling alone, were all in this together.

TAG A MUM WHO NEEDS TO HEAR THIS.
TAG A MUM YOU WANT TO TELL THAT SHES NOT ALONE.

And that’s what this picture is of.
Me with no make up. And no pants but I saved you from that. Surrounded by washing with no quilt cover on my bed. Oh well will sort it later!

Happy three days till Friday eve!
Krechelle
Xx

Clean house. Kind of.

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Seven simple rules to a clean house.

(The blog about cleaning for people who don’t want to waste their life cleaning. )

Girl💁🏼‍♀️ How is your house so clean with 6 children and working And school and all the shit fights.
And the truth is; if you come mid nerf battle on a spaghetti bolignaise day there is just no hiding that eight people definitely live and eat here.

But for the most part it’s tidy.
And that makes me happy.
I suppose we stick to a few simple rules.

 

Rule number one: Kids help.

We paint, we build blocks, we get muddy outside; the kids can have tons of messy fun but they must clean up after themselves, always.
Toys go back away, dirty clothes go in the wash and clean clothes go in their allotted spots.

They know how to put things in the bin.
Get themselves dressed.
How to put their clothes in the wash. Where their shoes and bags go.
How to make their beds.
It’s just routine and habit.
I’m not a slave driver.
But they have responsibilities and for the most part; they enjoy them.

Rule number two: Throw shit out.

No but seriously.
I only have pots and pans I use regularly,
I have minimal furniture, enough blankets for each person in the house but we don’t have useless shit.
No one needs six sheet sets; you just don’t.
You don’t need a set of Tupperware you’ve never used before.
I know Aunt Betty gave you it for your seventh wedding anniversary but if your not using it; it goes.
And that broken toy on top of the fridge that’s been there for two years that “ your totally going to fix any day now” THROW it out.
If it doesn’t make you happy, you don’t use it regularly; you do not need it.
Maybe someone else does?

Rule number three: Stuff is sorted.
Always. Mostly always.

New stuff comes in old stuff goes out. Things stay folded.
We try and keep it regularly sorted.
We have a blanket cupboard, a dinosaur storage box, an art storage box, a gift wrapping area, a vaccume cupboard, a cleaning cupboard; you get the picture.
But things that aren’t used ,again, we throw. Everything has a place.
Organization is the key. Our draws aren’t full of crap except for our ONE “crap draw” 😂
Everyone needs one; “full of crap draw”.
With pens and rubber bands and hair ties and popstical sticks and take away menus .
That’s life. That’s messy, wonderful life.

 

Rule number four: Utilize your morning.

I never close the door for school run on a dirty house; well almost never.
I make sure the kids have tidied their rooms and made their beds.
If they mess the lounge playing forts in the morning, they tidy it up as we walk out the door.
The sink and benches must be clear and washing swapped first thing.
It works and it’s done by about 7:20.
The rest of my day is clear when I step out of the door at 8:20am.
8:30
8:43.
We’re always bloody late.
But my house is clean.
Trust me we’re not late because it’s clean; it’s normally shoes.
It’s always because of shoes.
We’re not miracle workers are kids still manage to loose there shoes.
Every. Dam. Day

 

Rule number five: One DEEP clean day.

One per week; every week.
Floors, bathrooms, toilets, sinks, bedding, wipe over of tables TVs fridges and microwaves.
Done.
Don’t over complicate.
It takes about 2 hours.
Don’t put pressure on yourself everyday.
The morning clean should be enough.
And then your one deep clean day.
Turn the music up for deep clean day; I love Saturday mornings; and just get it done.

Rule number six: No need to vaccume.

Not every time.
Invest in a broom with a dust pan and a spray mop.
A mop that sprays disinfectant on the floor and wipes it up.
I love my spray mop.
It works wonderfully well.
His name is Peter and he’s one of my best friends.
I use him after dinner.
And after spills and lollipops And then I throw the cloth that attaches to the bottom in the wash.
Easy peasy lemon squeezey.

Rule number seven: Candles.

A sweet scent is as inviting as fresh throw pillows.
They make your house feel fresh.
They make it smell like apples.
When it doesn’t smell like apples.
Fuck I love apples.
And I love candles.
And when it’s been a really bad morning
Glen 20 and candles in combination.
Preferably in a well vented area and not at the same time.
That shits flammable.
Also open windows and doors; fresh air is as goood as a bloody holiday.

And there you have it.
Keep on top of things.
Don’t worry about it all week.
One morning a quick wham bam thank you mam cleaning session.
And bobs your uncle.

God I put in a lot of sayings into one blog.
You’re welcome.

I hope this has kind of helped.
I’ve sprained my ankle so naturally my house looks like a tornado has hit it and everyone threw their belongings and ran for cover and no ones been sighted since.

My husbands “helping”.
Don’t tell him; but he just kind of moves mess around.
But he’s trying and he makes me tea so I should probably; shut right up.

Because at the end of the day some of my best memories from when I was a kid was sitting in a three week old sheet fort I built in my parents lounge room surrounded by food crumbs watching Harry Potter.

A clean house, does not make memories.
But staying on top of things gives you more time to make memories.

Jus sayin’.
Love you all lots.

Any questions pop then below :))

Krechelle
Xx

 

 

 

Monday’s.

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Monday’s be like.

Monday
Fresh faced.
Feeling good.
I’m going to kick this week in it’s smug little butt.
Watch out week!!!!
Hey look at me; drinks a protein shake, kicks legs in the air.
Gonna do a workout and a fitness walk for fun because sunshine and shit.
Fuck yes it’s Monday children.
Here eat some blueberries mammas on fire.

Tuesday
Still feeling good.
Did you see what I did to yesterday;
I fucking destroyed yesterday.
Like a boss.
Now round two of my double fitness, protein shake.
Looks at self in mirror; should be two sizes smaller but hey I’m still fantastic and dedicated; so dedicated.
No children you can’t have blueberries again we’re not fucking millionaires; here have a banana!
Wooooooohooo, Tuesdays are rad.

Wednesday
I’m a bit sore today.
Finding it hard to get up from a standing position.
Okay rest day. Rest days are just as fucking important; don’t look at me like that I’m hurting.
I’ve still got this I just need a little rest.
And an Oreo.
But not like a whole Oreo, just half an Oreo.
I’ll be fine tomorrow I’ll start fresh back to it and we’ll get shit done.
Children; bananas again.
Yes sorry I don’t have a variety of fruit available to you because I’m fucking human and I make mistakes and I bought too many banana and now they are going brown; so eat up!

Thursday
I think I’m getting sick.
The kids had this virus and I think I have it now but worse than they had it because they didn’t even seem to be as sick as what I feel.
I really need a nap.
And some panadol.
I’m still going to go for my walk.
“Hunny should I go for a walk if I’m unwell”
“No you should probably just nap here you go nap and I’ll take the kids.”
“Oh okay, your right night night”
“Here kids have some bananas”

Friday
Boom. Period town.
Knew something was up.
Okay I’m feeling better but I’ve already ruined this week.
I started so strong on Monday and now here we are at Friday and I really need a wine because my child stabbed someone with a pencil and I guess we’ll just start Monday again. Or try and do a fitness walk with the kids this weekend.

Saturday
Eats

Sunday
Eats
Watches TV
Feel nervous about exercising on Monday.
And also how competitive recreational sports is.

 

And here we are back at Monday… same shit same story different week.
Definitely bananas.
I guess I’ll try and Be a successful human this week, wish me luck!
I’ve totally go this and so do y’all.

Krechelle
Xx

 

 

Large family life

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Large family life.
The good, the bad and the ugly.

We love our six kids, we love each and everyone of their tiny little faces.
But when I’m at the doctors I can’t remember their birthdays because there is five birthdays, each one a year apart and they all look really familiar and also you see my brain it doesn’t work like it used to because I have to Mum.

When I became a Mum.
Each time, with every child.
My brain became more like a big mooshy moosh bowl.

I’m not sure if it’s the wine or the screaming but I’m loosing brain capacity at an alarming rate.

But being apart of a big family means lots of things.
Not just that you start drinking lots and losing your marbles.
Let me tell you a little bit about our lives with “eight of us at home”

 

The smell.
When you walk into our home I have mostly tried to cover the smell of shoes with candles and glen 20.
You may be thinking “but krechelle glen 20 is flammable “
You would use both at the same time if you smelt my house too.
I remove 74 pairs of shoes from my foyer per week but it’s still ends up like some kind of shoe jumble sale.
My welcome mat is just an obstacle of shoes; your welcome visitors

 

School notes.
I loose them.
I throw them out.
I’m always the last one to hand them in.
There is approximately ten different school, kindy, child care notes per week.
And mostly they have stains on them that I can’t guarantee aren’t blood.
Here you go teacher if you unfold it this way it won’t tear into pieces.

Discounts.
Well do anything for a good discount.
We eat out on Mondays because kids eat free, we do cheap Tuesday movies (ha just kidding movies are too expensive full stop) , we go to discount show days and travel 42 minutes for give away furniture.
We’re not tacky.
We’re thrifty.
Wow this sounds way worst than what I meant it to, but while we’re at it hey what coupons did you get on the back of your docket?

More hands make light work
They may all be 6 and under but by helping each other to tidy there rooms or tidy the play room they really do a fantastic job!
I may have to scream at them 42 times to focus and sometimes I send one to bed at 2pm for not listening and then I get them up fifteen minutes later when I realize I’m being ridiculous
But I want them to have good values.
And help each other.
And it’s really fucking stressful.

Getting a family photo is impossible.
Yep this one is pretty straight forward.
Or it’s not straight forward in the way that
All eight face holes won’t look straight forward.
Or keep their outfits clean or on long enough to take a photo.
Forget it; I’ll photoshop them in.

Romance
We have six kids but we still love the shit out of each other.
It’s that real kind of grab your bum, make you giggle, “can’t wait to take him
Home later” type love.
I’d probably be pregnant again right now if it was possible.

You can never have a conversation unheard
We literally have to wait until they’re sleeping, shut three different doors and then hide under our quilt, but you better believe if we mention presents they will hear.
No secret is safe.
And don’t you dare talk about aunt Gertrude’s nose job unless you want them to rehash the whole story to her the next time she visits.

Sometimes your dreams get put on hold or crushed .
Sometimes you miss meetings because all six kids get gastro or head lice or the plague.

We try and make it work the best we can but it is a lot
We juggle things and some things fall of and smash on the ground and other things pop up and you dodge them and do a pirouette and a backflip and then some how you land on your two feet again.
Surrounded by love.
And bodily fluids.

Having a big family is hard, it’s crazy.
And It was the best decision I ever made.

Krechelle
Xx

That one time… I had hot coffee!

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So it’s been a while.
And I’m sure you’ve missed me talking inappropriately about vaginas and telling you how sweaty my leg pits are;
But I’m back baby! Get excited!

We’ll call this one….
“The journey of the “hot coffee””

( What it’s like not having kids for 6hours, 28 minutes and 32 seconds. )

I dropped the kids off today.
All of the kids. All six kids.

It was like in “Outlander” where the noose was sitting firmly around Jamie’s neck and then at the last second; Somebody saves him and He’s free.
If you haven’t seen “Outlander” , you can apply this theory to any other movie where a noose was tied around someone’s neck and then they were saved because…. THAT was me!
I couldn’t breathe and then the air never tasted so sweet.

Okay that’s a bit or dramatic!

But; After telling my son to get his shoes on from 6:45 till 8:15 and then three of them having a screaming match over who’s turn it was with the toothpaste; I was soooooo ready for my day of freedom.

I was wearing all black because there was no risk of anyone touching me with their mucous and that felt really good.

So I get back to the car after the final school drop. And I it’s like I’ve lost a limb.
I look back at my six empty car seats and a little tear wells in my eye: why the fuck don’t I have sports car for occasions like this ; that I could fly down the road in with my music playing loud.

Oh well; It’s okay, not the end of the world; I turned on my engine and chugged down the road in old Betty the Tarago. She’s realible and large… kind of like my husbands…. hugs.
His HUGE satisfying hugs.
Anyway…. I set of; on my day of freedom!

So I pull up in a park; and I scroll Instagram and Facebook and you tube and messages and emails and twitter and then I tried to remember my myspace password- and then an hour had passed and I didn’t realize because I was too busy down a google rabbit hole trying to find out if the actor in last nights movie is a distant cousin to another actor I’ve seen before and we’re they both married ?

No one was winging at me to get out of the car And I didn’t even know how long I’d actually been sitting there and god that felt good!!!

I skipped into the shops and twirled in a circle- tripped over nothing like an absolute legend and then was pulled by no one! I was freeeeeeee.

And then I realized all I needed was bread and milk and I really had nothing else to do and plus we have a lot of bills this week and not much money ( home owner life; can I get A “hell yeah” ).

WAIT a minute turn that frown upside down; I remember a beacon of hope;
I had a free coffee on my Gloria jeans card.
If that won’t make your day; I don’t know what will.
So I set of on a journey. A sacred journey for any mum; the journey of the mysterious “hot coffee”

I saw people I knew with children and walked faster and they couldn’t catch up to me and ruin my child free day because there Children’s legs were too small! Suckers.

And then I see it. Two of the most awkwardly designed colors on a brand together; yellow and brown,
I’m at Gloria’s.

There was a new girl and I didn’t even care when I had to say my order three times And then all she had entered was skim milk and it made no sense because I had atleast 5 hours and 30 minutes left and not much else planned.

“ Take your time”, I beamed ; “I have no children”.
“Me either” she said looking back awkwardly as if asking why had I told her that?!

I shuffled away slowly and awkwardly but I soon got my skip in my step back when I realized; I still had NO children.

They called out my name and there it was; MY COFFEE… there was no smarty cookie and no “pop top” apple juice.
I took a big sip.
It was strange and delightful.
It was warm.
Something I thought was a thing of the past.

I passed other mums, clearly post drop off with a spring in their step and a warm coffee in their hand; we were all so happy.

It was like a magical unicorn Mum party and everyone was invited; unless you had your children with you.

Just like that; it was 2:30 and I didn’t know how but I was off to pick them up again, already.

But I’ll always have that moment.
The day that I had a warm coffee.
And it was good.
No, It was better than good.
It was bloody fantastic.

So for those of you; in the thick of it.
Thinking it’s never going to end.
I promise one day; you’ll have a hot coffee too and it will be fucking fantastic.

Krechelle
Xx

 

Back to school…. Again.

 

 

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Back to school.

It’s 13 hours 43minutes and 17 seconds till back to school time.

I’m sorry but you people that say things like “can’t holidays last forever” or “just one more day in the sun with my babes”
Drive me batshit crazy.
Each to their own but if someone doesn’t get my children back into school and kindy soon I might loose my will to live.

They’ve taken my soul. And it’s going to take the entire day tomorrow to find it again.

Now don’t get me wrong I love my little cherubs. But I love them even more after they’ve been at school for seven hours. And they are tired and they want to eat food and hug me and go to bed; and they aren’t arguing with me all day, sorry Miss T.
Story time for eveyone because I’ve had a fantastic rest!

I’m going to do some baking today.
Because, you know; lunchbox pressure, it’s a real thing.
Except it’s totally not.
You don’t need to put unnecessary pressure on yourself; newsflash; no one sees your child’s lunch but your child and the teacher.
And I’m fairly certain she’s just trying to survive; remember she’s got over 20x 6 year olds; five days a week.
Not one f**k is given to weather you made a tiny vegetable face or if you given your child left over pizza from the night before!

Term one; your all bliss balls and mini quiches and by term three it’s all vegemite sandwiches and one apple.
And sometimes.
You’ll forget to pack lunch all together.
Because you’ll say it’s lunch order day.
And then you’ll forget to order a lunch order.

I always feel sad when I leave school for the first time, on the first day.
And you look into their eyes, and you see the fear. She looks back at me like; “don’t leave”.
That teacher; Poor dear.
And on that note.
Buy your teacher wine.
No it’s not inappropriate, nobody will judge you.
And yes she needs it.

Sometimes I think about all the wine I’ve drank these six weeks of holidays and then try and calculate how much the teacher might need for the next term,
Realize I’m not a millionaire and just offer her one bottle with sincerest apologies.

I’m that Mum that skips out of the school with a spring in their step- sure I feel a little nervous; last year I tried to make myself cry; it didn’t work.

Now for the important choices; should I drink a coffee on my own, or should I go shopping with my no money and buy homewares I don’t need.
I normally settle with; tidying the house in peace and making a really good salad like one of those salads that have all the ingredients that you don’t normally have time to make or eat; and guess what?! You don’t have to share it!!!!
And sometimes I take a twenty minute shower. And exfoliate.
When was the last time you could fit an exfoliater in.
Livin’ the dream.

Anyone else meant to have cleaned their car for the new school term?
Me too. But I didn’t. I really need to.
But news flash again no one cares.
It’s fine. Can someone please explain to me that even when you haven’t eaten McDonald’s fries for a year there is still one under your car seat?
Where the fuck do they come from.

I think I have enough bags and shirts and shorts and shoes and drinkbottles.
To last me the next six years and all Six kids. You know just incase they all set on fire in some freak accident.
But I’m sure I’ll find out soon enough!
There’s always something I’ve forgotten!
I’m boycotting jumpers untill my eldest finds his two from last year!

To all the first time parents.
Please don’t panic.
Your child is safe.
You deserve a rest.
And anything you don’t do right;
I promise no one is judging you!
They probably don’t even notice.
I just wrote my sons name wrong inside his hat!

 

Find some mums to have wine with, support your cherub on this special day and then Let’s kick the back to school pressure!
And celebrate!

Krechelle
Xx