Life as I know It

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Large family life.
The good, the bad and the ugly.

We love our six kids, we love each and everyone of their tiny little faces.
But when I’m at the doctors I can’t remember their birthdays because there is five birthdays, each one a year apart and they all look really familiar and also you see my brain it doesn’t work like it used to because I have to Mum.

When I became a Mum.
Each time, with every child.
My brain became more like a big mooshy moosh bowl.
I’m not sure if it’s the wine or the screaming but I’m loosing brain capacity at an alarming rate.

But being apart of a big family means lots of things.
Not just that you start drinking lots and losing your marbles.
Let me tell you a little bit about our lives with “eight of us at home”

 

The smell.
When you walk into our home I have mostly tried to cover the smell of shoes with candles and glen 20.
You may be thinking “but krechelle glen 20 is flammable “
You would use both at the same time if you smelt my house too.
I remove 74 pairs of shoes from my foyer per week but it’s still ends up like some kind of shoe jumble sale.
My welcome mat is just an obstacle of shoes; your welcome visitors

 

School notes.
I loose them.
I throw them out.
I’m always the last one to hand them in.
There is approximately ten different school, kindy, child care notes per week.
And mostly they have stains on them that I can’t guarantee aren’t blood.
Here you go teacher if you unfold it this way it won’t tear into pieces.

Discounts.
Well do anything for a good discount.
We eat out on Mondays because kids eat free, we do cheap Tuesday movies (ha just kidding movies are too expensive full stop) , we go to discount show days and travel 42 minutes for give away furniture.
We’re not tacky.
We’re thrifty.
Wow this sounds way worst than what I meant it to, but while we’re at it hey what coupons did you get on the back of your docket?

More hands make light work
They may all be 6 and under but by helping each other to tidy there rooms or tidy the play room they really do a fantastic job!
I may have to scream at them 42 times to focus and sometimes I send one to bed at 2pm for not listening and then I get them up fifteen minutes later when I realize I’m being ridiculous
But I want them to have good values.
And help each other.
And it’s really fucking stressful.

Getting a family photo is impossible.
Yep this one is pretty straight forward.
Or it’s not straight forward in the way that
All eight face holes won’t look straight forward.
Or keep their outfits clean or on long enough to take a photo.
Forget it; I’ll photoshop them in.

Romance
We have six kids but we still love the shit out of each other.
It’s that real kind of grab your bum, make you giggle, “can’t wait to take him
Home later” type love.
I’d probably be pregnant again right now if it was possible.

You can never have a conversation unheard
We literally have to wait until they’re sleeping, shut three different doors and then hide under our quilt, but you better believe if we mention presents they will hear.
No secret is safe.
And don’t you dare talk about aunt Gertrude’s nose job unless you want them to rehash the whole story to her the next time she visits.

Sometimes your dreams get put on hold or crushed .
Sometimes you miss meetings because all six kids get gastro or head lice or the plague.

We try and make it work the best we can but it is a lot
We juggle things and some things fall of and smash on the ground and other things pop up and you dodge them and do a pirouette and a backflip and then some how you land on your two feet again.
Surrounded by love.
And bodily fluids.

Having a big family is hard, it’s crazy.
And It was the best decision I ever made.

Krechelle
Xx

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Me Mum.

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I’m sitting at the airport
After a weekend with my mum.
Now me and my mum are polar opposites; she’s emotional, I’m practical.
She believes in fairies and I believe in budgets.

But the thing is I brought her along anyway.
And we had an interesting, adventure fun- filled trip.

But.
She literally has interrupted me writing this paragraph 42 times because the English breakfast tea I just bought her:

“They use at her work”
“It’s a nice English breakfast tea”
“Did you see the tea bag”
“Oooo krehelle this is a delicious English breakfast tea bag ”

It’s a miracle I’ve survived.
She asked me several times how to claim the prizes that “win stuff now” had sent her through her emails.
I had to break it to her that it wasn’t a real thing and she probably has a phone virus now.

If I take one more photo of her I’m going to literally burst out into tears.
Krechelle, take a photo of me next to this fence, next to a door, next to this building and next to another brick wall with this fence.

She says inappropriate things at the most inopportune times.
At one point on our way to an evening out she put an off the shoulder tiger face tshirt on and then asked me if it was, and I quote, “dressy enough” to which I responded, “do you have anything with less tiger face on it”
She had to think about that one.

Her luggage is bright tuquoise, with a seahorse on it ; “because she bought it in Hawaii”. And Apparantly it should be a turtle, a seahorse doesn’t make sense.
I know Mum you’ve told me 42 times.

She kept saying everything was glorious.
The whole trip.
Glorious this. Glorious that.
“Did you see that Krechelle, oh my it was glorious”
I’ve never heard her use that word in my life.

I went to a bloggers brunch for @kidsbusiness.
She was my number one fan girl.
Mum doesn’t really understand blogging so to her; I’m famous.
It’s kind of amusing. She walks up to people like “my daughter is krechelle” bursting with pride.
No one knows who I am Mum.
But it was very sweet.

 

I might not always get along with my mum.
And sometimes.
I want to pretend like she’s just someone who’s lost and won’t stop following me.
But she always there with unwavering support and her big “I’m proud of her smile”

So thanks Mum for coming along on my trip.
And making me take 3 million photos of you next to walls.

Anyone else have a Mum that’s their biggest fan- please tag them underneath.
X

 

 

 

 

 

My journey

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I’ve been big and I’ve been small and I as I restart my journey back to health after three months of struggles with my health I thought I’d reshare this special blog….

To the seventeen year old boys laughing when I ran past them at the beach.
You probably don’t realize how much you just hurt someone. Is it too much to expect you to?
Maybe I should toughen up? Maybe I should realize that your young? Maybe I should have said something?
Or Maybe…. I shouldn’t have to run my last kilometer in tears because some 17 year olds recorded me on their phone , laughing about “how funny it is; a fat person was trying to run”. Being overweight has always been an issue of mine. When I was younger it was portion sizes , over eating , not being active enough and drinking everything that contained sugar.
This combination plus a few rounds of Baby weight saw me stack on the kilos and at one point I tipped the scales 128 kilos.

One day I was so tired looking after the kids I literally felt like I couldn’t get out of my chair; that’s when I knew things had to change. And only I could do that!
I started running, moving, eating clean 80 percent of the time and treating my body the way I should. And I was a healthy BMI, and had all the energy I needed to take on life!
Two more babies later and four more surgeries, I see myself on a similar journey back to being my healthiest self.

I ask everyone to take a second and think before you laugh or sneer at the person running. Everybody has a story, Most of us are doing the best we can and for some of us your laughter is the last thing we hear on a bad day when we’re doing our best.
And because at the end of the day it hurts.
We’re trying; we put our shoes on, we got out the door, we’re not all athletes and we can’t all run 5 minute kilometers but every step I take is a step closer to a better me.

Dear children. FML.

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What every parent wants to say to their children.
But doesn’t because were good fucking parents.

Dear children,

Please stop talking.
Your voice is annoying to me and I can’t seem to ever please you.
Your like tiny angry dictator who makes poor choices we have to fix all the time while you just move on with your life; so basically your Trump.
I try my hardest but all you care about is where the next chocolate milk is coming from or who just farted and I quote “hehehehehe”

I spend hours brushing your hair, tidying your room and losing at monopoly even though I’m the boss at monopoly;
Do you know what it means that I let you win at monopoly. I must really fucking like you.
And then all you do is ask to go to your grandparents; constantly.

No I don’t want to make your sandwich with the crusts cut of.
Your having cheese and all the salad; Did you hear me , All of the fucking salad.
I Will not remove one salad item per sandwich per child.
I don’t care if one of you hates tomato or loathes lettuce.
Just eat it.

I couldn’t think of anything worse than reading a sixth bedtime story.
Fairtailes are bullshit and were all going to die some of us early, some of us later.
True loves aren’t found and declared in a day and marriage is fucking hard work.
Bet ya rapunzel has some bloody princess blog somewhere that is all about how her prince husband doesn’t come home on Fridays after work….
Where’s that in a Disney movie?

Your not all bad you do smell like some version of heaven right on the top of your head.
Except for when you’ve done a massive poo from last nights bolignaise and then the whole house smells Like some bad version of onion poo for our new friends coming over in six minutes.
Thanks a lot, you asshole.

I know you like the word Mum. I used to like the word Mum too.
But now I like the word DAD say it with me now DAD.
Its not hard id say it might even be easier.
I love being a mum so much.
I love it even more when they’re calling out Dad at 3am.

You know what else.
Stop jumping onto the couch just as I’ve sat down with my coffee.
I don’t know why you insist on doing that.
Or why half my clothes are covered in coffee stains.
But its just ridiculous.
I just want one quiet coffee alone thats not at 4:45am or on my clothes.

And they say to “appreciate it” and don’t ever be “ungrateful”.
Im not. I promise I just haven’t showered today and I would really like to shower for a good forty five Minutes you know and really get into all those spots I’ve been missing for the last 7 years.
Im fairly certain my bum is a jungle of hair. But I wouldn’t know “aint nobody got time for dat”.

 

In closing I would just like to say how much appreciate These soul sucking little assholes.
Especially for my empty tit bags
And unwashed places,
You guys are my whole wide world.
And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Well its not like I’ve got a fucking choice.

 

 

 

 

Where did you get your hair gurlllll?

Okay okay!

So everyone keeps asking about my hair.
And I have a confession.
It did not grow overnight.
I know your shocked
And My shaved patch is still there!

I was able to work with the wonderful owner house of hair Adelaide: Natalie!

I got these real hair, hair extensions done and oh my gosh!

I’ve never had tape in extensions before.
And I was little bit worried about the process. I had no idea what to expect.

When I was getting them fitted I was shocked At how easy they are to go in and how stable they are.
I wash and blow dry once a week and just brush as normal!
And they blend so so wonderfully.

I was feeling a bit down about my shaved patch and ever though I love it; it’s wonderful to have both options.
Wearing my hair both ways has brought back my confidence and my advice to every mum is to do what makes you happy!

The hair itself is such beautiful quality and matches my hair perfectly.
I cannot wait to go in again tomorrow and get a blow dry; after all us ladies have to pamper ourselves sometimes!

We friggan deserve it!

So give Nat and the team a call if your here in Adelaide! I felt so comfortable and had such a wonderful time getting them in! It was so much fun!

Now I’m taking myself and my hair out for cocktails.

Happy Friday lovelies!
Krechelle
Xx

Week two of the fucking school holidays

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Week two of school holidays.

Ratbags.
Six tiny Ratbags.
Shit I love em.
But I also love when they are at school and Kindy.

Im at the point of exhaustion where I literally am inhaling coffee like I don’t need oxygen
And I’m trying to juice all the green stuff in the hopes it gives me more energy.
Come on apple cider vinegar make me thin and strong and immune to shit.
(I feel like apple cider vinegar might just be a huge joke that someone is playing on us all; like haha they’re actually doing it drinking the vinegar in a cup ; foolish humans hahahaha)

Okay, okay; don’t get me wrong and don’t be one of those perfect parents that comments underneath:
“IF YOU DIDNT WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH YOUR CHILDREN WHY DID YOU HAVE THEM”
Um shut your face Susan. Nobodies ever asking you; incase you were wondering.

No-one is saying they are getting rid of their children.
Were simply saying if they got a cold and went to bed for two days to watch dvds we wouldn’t mind.

Were not saying school holidays aren’t the funnest times of our lives.
Were just saying we remember this one time dancing to “I’m bringing sexy back” at an rnb club Pre children and maybe that was slightly funner than six tiny people asking me for snacks.
Seriously I don’t have that many snacks ; stop asking you ate all of the snacks before 10am,that was allotted amount snacks for that day; I don’t know what you want from me.

 

And permission to go to the toilet.
I still don’t understand that,
You can go to the toilet whenever you want.
We have two toilets and you have toilet free will.
No I don’t need a public service announcement everytime you need to go
And how did you go from not needing the toilet to hopping on one leg
Screaming like a banshee in 0.1 seconds.
Explain this to me.
Or just go to the bloody toilet mate.

Also play fighting.
If I break up on more dam play fight I’m gonna loose my marbles.
Get of your brother
Stop touching each other
Sit on opposite lounges
Sit on different sides of the house.
THATS IT EVERYONE IS GOING TO BED AT 4PM

Okay I feel much better now.
After I’ve vented.
Please tell me I’m not the only one who isn’t enjoying every precious second of their beautiful cherrubs holidays .
Who isn’t crafting the Shit out of their days and who puts wine in the fridge at 2pm to chill as your little glimmer of hope.
And sometimes you just wish they’d go to sleep at 4pm.

Im not entirely sure how I’m gonna get through the next four and a half days.
But I do know one thing; its 4 days, 13 hours and 42 minutes until school starts.
God bless you teachers and also I’m sorry but I’m not sorry.

Your sincerely;
A week two school holidays Mum.
xx

Dear gertrude

IMG_4315“OH but back in our day kids did it and no one died”

Dear Gertrude,

Well actually they did.
All of the time.
And then they did all of this scientific research which costs millions of dollars
And thats why we now have all of these precautions in place.

How about you put that in your pipe and smoke it.

This is Why I won’t apologise for parenting the way I see fit.
And why you shouldn’t listen when Aunty Gertrude pulls out her dated advice and tells you to just feed your eight week old porridge.
DON’T DO IT.

And why I wish people would take their opinions and put them where the sun doesn’t shine.
And when aunty Gertrude pulls out this one:
“Oh wow your a mum in twentieth century your life is so hard, why don’t you just stop complaining”

I want to pull out one of these ones:
Ahhh excuse you!!!! It is fucking is hard.
And you wouldn’t know because you haven’t been one.
Its not just hey heres a child take her home and do your best.
“She’ll be right mate”

I reckon when I left the hospital I had seventeen different follow up appointments and twenty two brochures on how to do parenting right.
Mate, I wasn’t even sleeping and then want me to go to all of these appointments on time and read pamphlets,
well if that doesn’t make a new mum loose her shit; I Don’t know what will.

Its breast is best.
And heat your bottle to 98.5 degrees
And don’t let your baby have too much tummy time
And make sure you child is achieving milestones and wonder weeks
; I still don’t understand wonder weeks.
What the fuck is a wonder week.

Welcome to parenting in 2017
Where you can buy a cheap car seat but your basically killing your child if you do because who the fuck buys the cheapest car seat when it does the same job as the others. Ill put it out there. I have some cheap car seats. Their Australian standard approved.
Don’t look at me like that Susan. Im doing the best I can.

I get really confused on how the older generation disregard the fact that we have 712 guidelines to follow**** all that are proven to keep our children alive and not just alive but to live up to their best potentials.
But apparently were all just winging bitches, That need to let our children eat mud.
And we cant deal with life.

Well excuse me if I can’t seem to hold down a job and keep up with the 712 guidelines and be a normal functioning member of society and then keep up an adult relationship with my significant other, all while trying to look as pretty as possible while replying to 700 emails.

I just don’t understand what you want from me.
IF I say I’m having a shitty day Gertrude how about you just shut your mouth, hold the dam baby. And tell me I’m beautiful.
News flash there is no fucking guidelines for that one. That one hasn’t changed in hundreds of years.

Yours sincerely a twentieth century Guppy who needs a Valuim.